Feckless...
Demoralised...
Lonely...
Despondent...
These are the words that you can use to describe me now.
Most of you might already know what happened but for those who don't, I'm actually struggling to get a pre-reg placement in the UK. At this time of the year, the chances of me getting a pre-reg place is considered quite slim.
Went for another interview last Friday and got rejected again. Blardy pharmacist can't even wait for Monday morning to tell me, had to call me at 8 pm on the same day just to reject me. It made me feel as if I'm a worthless piece of very disgusting rubbish that they can't wait to discard T_____________T
Why do I have to apply to prestigious hospitals? Why can't i just work in a secluded area? If i'm not that picky then I won't be facing this kind of problems, but I won't allow that to happen. Or at least not just yet. Plus it wasn't a fair competition, I lost to a girl who has finished her 4th year in Trinidad and doing a transfer course here so she can practice in the UK, so how can I compete with her in terms of pharmacy experience you tell me??
And this cynical me keep thinking that some people out there might be very happy with my current state, it makes me sick to my stomach.
At the same time, feeling low has made me realised how lonely I am. It's not like I have no friends or what. In fact, my housemates do care about me and are quite worried about me. It makes me feel so sorry for making them worried.
But it's just... you know... i'm missing a special figure in my life. Or you could call 'the boyfriend' if that makes things easier to explain -_-"
Housemates, if you are reading this, thanks for your concerns and words of encouragement :) Love you guys. Especially Wen Yuen who helped me a lot with the interview preparation but i failed you T________________T bwaaaaaaa.
Oh, and Shu Yi, who spent like 30 minutes on the phone trying to cram all the information into my small brain (luckily it didn't explode), telling me that it doesn't matter if I don't get a placement there because the HR guy sucks.
And Paul, who keeps reassuring me that everything will be alright, that just in case I made a fool out of myself in front of the interviewers, they won't remember me anyway wtf.
Sigh, stupid England weather is not helping me either. The view outside my window, with the dark sky and the trees balding, urgh... FUCK YOU ENGLAND!
I'll be alright... I'll be alright... I'll be alright... I'll be alright... I'll be alright... (chant continuosly until i fall asleep...)
A blur picture to reflect the future ahead of me...
(Damn! I'm baldinggggggggg)
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